So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
