dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
