You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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