what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize