your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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