Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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