the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
