I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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