i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
