I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
