I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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