he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
