some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
