I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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