you guys were way drunker than both of me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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