Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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