Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
