apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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