wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you inspire me to be a worse person
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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