six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize