I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
