if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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