i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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