i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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