i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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