we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
time to smoke my breakfast
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
