I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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