Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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