Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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