What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
