We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
