Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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