we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need moral support for this bender
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
