Plan B is the new Plan A
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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