Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
