We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
