I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
