that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize