dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
