physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
