Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
