Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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