Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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