Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
