the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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