He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
