If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
