Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
