I think I won the penis lottery.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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