literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
