is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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