so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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