"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
