At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
