I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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