If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
